Nearly a Mumbaiker...

"Gud moning sir" infiltrated my slumber this morning... Ignore, surely it's the final remnants of some dream expressing itself in a Hinglish accent... "Wake op sir" the voice persevered. I open my eyes and see Kapil in front of my double bed clasping a cup of chai in his hands: "Chai sir?". I grumble a thank you and point at my dresser. He puts the chai down and leaves the room, only to return moments later with an egg sandwich for my breakfast.

Kapil is my house boy. This may sound bizarre but I have somehow found myself living in Mumbai. Not living as in breathing and habitation, but living as in experiencing at first hand. I've been here only ten days now (coming on the back of a two week sojourn in January), and Mumbai has become, without doubt, the favoured city of my travels to date.

So how do I have a houseboy? Last time I was here I made some very good friends. This time around, one of those guys, Vikram, has invited me to stay with him. He uses a rather flash corporate guesthouse in the northwestern suburbs (Andheri) and has a spare room. He also has a houseboy who brings me breakfast, cooks me lunch, does my washing, makes my bed, cleans my room and generally does all those things which I don't like doing myself.

Apart from Vikram and his friends, I also hang around with a great guy named Jerry (see sidebar for his blog) and his friends, as well as Ana Hatha, a filmmaker, and her friends. During the weekend, we went to the theatre, to the cinema, for coffee, for food, for drinks, to a pub, to a club and to a Bollywood premiere of Ana Hatha's film (rubbing shoulders with big bollywood stars). It's quite bizarre but my social diary is packed to the brim and I'm having an absolute ball of a time.

Mumbai is a fascinating city. The energy that flows through it is remarkable. A microcosm of India (particularly aligned to the South), it seems to have all extremes: poverty and opulence, tranquility and mayhem, tradition and modernity... When you walk around the city during the day, the heat beats down on your head and the rickshaw drivers honk like it's going out of fashion.

The city is absolutely huge, it's distances enforcing egalitarianism on its citizens... There's no point trying to drive from south to north unless you have a whole day to spare. The only way to cover large distances is the suburban rail system where everyone packs into the same sweltering carriages, slum-dwelling chai wallah, or high flying bollywood director. Carriages don't have doors and everyone just hangs out the side. The scenes at rush hour are incredible. When a train slows down at station, a little mini-war erupts at each carriage door. The exiting mob pours off, even before the train comes to a halt, and the waiting mob tries to fight their way onto the train. Pacifism doesn't work here... it's a dog-eat-dog world. If you wanna get on the train, you have to be prepared to stand on people, drag them back by their nostrils... just try to grab some kind of metal railing... hold onto it and pull yourself in, crowd surfing in the process... This is still going on while the train pulls off, the weaker remain on the platform, the stronger will survive until the next station at least, where the melee will be repeated.

Your correspondent has adapted to the local methods and is happy of his extra few kilos, which come in very handy when bouncing a Tamil or Keralite out of his way. I try to keep to the door of the carriage where the breeze keeps one cool, but this requires a rather bollocky attitude when you come to a station where you don't want to alight: Being at the door, the mob pushes you out, whether you want it or not... You have to hold on to the door with your hand and one foot... and swing to the side of the carriage so that your torso is out of the action. This guarantees your place at the door as when the train starts pulling off, you swing back and push in whoever is in your way. Everyone moans and shouts, but it's a lot of fun... Women have their own carriages!

So tomorrow is Holi, the Hindu Festival of Colours... I'm gonna make a move from Mumbai and start going north after that...

I realise how bad I've been with photos... I have loads ready, but just can't find an Internet cafe with a USB compliant operating system, meaning that I can't post them... they are coming though!

Will update after Holi!