The smell of charred human flesh

Would you be very surprised if I told you I was on a train… The Mahananda Express picked me up in Mughal Sarai, just outside Varanasi, last night at midnight. It had come from Delhi and was packed with people. I had to eject someone from my upper berth before I could claim it, but that’s fairly standard practice. The family in my compartment appear to be moving all their earthly belongings with them, so there’s no room for me anywhere except in my upper berth haven.

The trip to Mughal Sarai from Varanasi was knicker-gripping. I got a very enthusiastic auto-wallah who immediately gave me a fair price, despite all his colleagues being upset with him for not ripping off the gora. He proceeded to make the 1 hour journey in about 35 minutes, driving at breakneck speed, although he was a good driver. We crashed thrice (the Injuns still use that term); once into a cycle-rickshaw, once into a cyclist, once into an old man. Although my driver was at fault each time, he insisted on further molesting the victims with a torrent of abuse… the cyclist was even honoured with the term behenchod, the only Hindi swearword that I’ve learned to recognize: sisterfucker!

I arrived back in Delhi from Kashmir to a wedding that my friend Vikram had invited me too. It was a pretty opulent affair. Being part of the groom’s side of things, we had to dance in front of his white horse for about three hours, the objective being to slow down his nuptials as he made his way towards his bride. Eventually the horse reached the bridal party and after some mock-arguments as to whether the groom was to be permitted entrance and as to whether his dowry had been sufficient, he finally made his way into a decorated army mess (his dad was a Major) where he sat on a throne-for-two awaiting his beloved (it was not an arranged marriage, it was a love marriage… ain’t that just purty!). Eventually the bride was led in with her family holding a silk sheet over her head. She was presented to her husband and took her seat beside him. Photos ensued, with every permutation and combination of relatives besieging the happy couple. The bride looked like she was going to faint. After that, the couple moved outside where the religious rites were read by an aging saddhu under a silk canopy. We left before this as the whole thing went on for… pardon my French… fuckin’ ages. Excellent food was served in a beautifully lit and immaculately decorated garden patio during all this, and the six-hundred odd guests knocked back juices and multicoloured drinks by the gallon. It was a great night, but I was banjaxed by the time I hit the hay.

After that I had a good few days in Delhi. I met up with some friends and ate like a king. Between Indian fast food in Neruli’s on CP, fish in Blanco’s at Khan Market, Mughal style legs of lamb at Karim’s in Old Delhi or mango milkshakes in Gianni’s, I generally spent the week stuffing my face.

Then I overnighttrained it to Varanasi, one of the oldest permanently populated cities in the world, and sacred pilgrimage place for Hindus and Buddhists alike. I’m happy to inform you that I’m now clean, not clean in the sanitary sense (I’m far from that after twelve hours of train), but clean in the spiritual sense rather. Varanasi is on the Ganges river (Ganga) and a quick dip is supposed to clean your soul and absolve your sin. When I say it was a quick dip though, I mean it was lightning. The river is fairly manky. When you walk along the ghats at the river, some of them are for swimming in and some are burning ghats, where bodies are burned in Hindu funeral rites. So if you’re unlucky, you can have a half charred human foot or hand float past you while you’re bathing. I didn’t give it the time for that. See below for some pics of Delhi and Varanasi.

The Mahananda Express is running four hours late. It’s supposed to be arriving into New Jalpaiguri now (1pm), but it’s gonna be more like 5pm. Then I’ll jump onto the ‘toy train’ which will bring me up to Darjeeling, ex-hillstation of the Brit’s and tea plantation zone. The weather in Darjeeling should be nice, compared with the heat of Delhi or Varanasi. Everyone warned me that the heat would be unbearable and although it has been hot, with temperatures wavering around the 40 degree mark, it’s been fair from unbearable. You wouldn’t want to be running a marathon in a plastic bag in the midday sun, but then again, you wouldn’t want to be doing that anyway. You find yourself unconsciously jumping sunny hurdles between shadowed straights during the day. At night, you can sleep well as long as you have a decent fan above you (one that isn’t too loud; first thing to check in a new room!).

In other news, I’ve gotten fed up of being told what to do and what not to do by random Injuns with or without a uniform. There’s mad security everywhere here, in cinemas, train stations, shopping malls and just about anywhere where wealthy Indians could possibly congregate. Every shop has its own private army and there are security ‘systems’ in place everywhere. I emphasise systems, because none of them actually work. You’ll have fifteen armed guards and four metal detectors supervising and controlling the entrance to the train station, frisking people, going through bags etc. and then ten feet away someone will have left another door open through which people will be filing into the station unperturbed. Every corner you turn, there’s some little wallah with a private security uniform on telling you that you can’t walk here (even though the entire population of India could be walking in front of you). If you sit down in a train station, you can be assured someone with stripes on their arm will ask you to move. So I’ve given up, I’ve now added security men to the growing list of people I ignore in India (beggars, touts, policemen, salesmen, religious people etc.). Not surprisingly, nothing has actually changed. If I just ignore them, then they (like everyone else) will eventually go away and leave me alone… hihihi. Oh, the irony… as I write this a man approached attempting with body language to lay claim to my seat. I showed him my ticket (not letting him touch it, just see it) and now I’m happily ignoring him while he’s rattling on about something.

It sounds like I’m a bastard, but honestly, I’m not! You’ve got to stand up for yourself here, or you’ll be walked all over. Even in terms of safeguarding your private space and sanity of mind, you have to assert yourself. If you engaged with everyone who tried to engage you in conversation, you’d actually never move off the spot.

Ur man on his way to the mountains again…